


No Business Like Show Business (That Isn't Your Business at All)

by brilligspoons



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-06
Updated: 2012-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-29 02:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilligspoons/pseuds/brilligspoons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And then, just to make sure he hasn't misread anything, he reads the article again. When he finally lets the paper fall to the ground, Pepper is staring at him, one eyebrow raised. Tony isn't sure whether he's about to laugh or cry or some combination of the two.</p><p>(Original prompt: <i>Someone decides to make a movie about the Avengers which makes certain not very subtextual implications about the Steve and Tony relationship. Tony wants to know who the hell they bought the rights from. (SHIELD.) There are deep and meaningful threats about defamation, because Tony can and will open a can of litigation whoop ass if necessary. Mostly because he is trying misguidedly to protect Steve's honour.</i>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Business Like Show Business (That Isn't Your Business at All)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tammaiya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tammaiya/gifts).



Tony wakes up on his private jet to find Pepper standing over him with a newspaper in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. "You are a vision of perfection," he tells her. "Except for the newspaper, I don't want to know why you're holding that. Coffee? For me? Where did you even get that? Because I don't remember installing a Starbucks on the jet, which is a fantastic idea, now that I think about it."

"No, this is my coffee and you aren't allowed to have any of it," she replies. "There's some time to stop for more if we get off the plane right now. The paper is something you should probably see, though."

He hadn't even noticed the plane landing, but a look outside the window confirms that they are, in fact, on the ground. Tony sighs, rubs at his forehead, and reaches out for the paper, which Pepper slaps into his palm before sitting on the couch across from him. He unfolds it with a snap, expecting to see an article about Stark Industries' latest acquisition, or about the new cell phones they've been developing for two years (due out in a month, _fucking finally_ , Tony thinks, _took those idiots long enough_ ), or even his own face sprawled across the front page. Any of those would be par for the course at this point, and he's not entirely sure what has Pepper's face set quite so seriously.

That is, until he gets a good look at the paper.

 _AVENGERS MOVIE GREENLIGHTED_ in big block letters. Below it, a black and white photograph of Natasha, Clint, and Steve in the middle of what could only be Time Square, probably taken during one of their more recent minor battles with the scum of the world. The byline says something about finalized scripts and a 2013 release date, but Tony takes in only the most pressing pieces of information.

"Who the _hell_ -" he splutters as he struggles to get himself sitting upright.

"I have no idea," Pepper says before he can finish his sentence. "I was sort of hoping you'd know already, seeing as you're one of the main characters."

"You say that as if I planned for this to happen," Tony says faintly.

"Don't be stupid, Tony," Pepper replies, shaking her head. "I meant that I would have thought this sort of thing would have had to go through you first. Weren't you saying something about copyrighting the Avengers a few months back?"

"What? Oh, uh. Fury had Coulson kick me out when I brought it up, and then the whole thing with Loki happened, and, well -"

Pepper sighs, and Tony is about to protest that he's had a lot on his plate when she raises a hand to stop him. "I thought it was odd that I hadn't seen any paperwork. Regardless, you should probably read the article."

He picks the paper back up from his lap and steels himself for the worst.

For the most part, the article, which begins on the first page and continues on the fourth, presents the facts: the film is an account of how the Avengers first came together and formed the team, their struggle to find common ground with each other, and the epic battle with a villain hell-bent on destroying the world that connected them and made them stronger. Tony notes that while the characters' names have all been changed, their profiles more or less match each one of the real life Avengers to a t. "It's actually not that bad," he murmurs. He glances over to Pepper and tries to discern her thoughts from her body language. "And it seems like good press for us, too. I mean, it's not like they're damning any of us."

Pepper sits stiffly and keeps her eyes trained on the wall behind him. "Keep reading," she says.

Tony does so. And then, just to make sure he hasn't misread anything, he reads the article again. When he finally lets the paper fall to the ground, Pepper is staring at him, one eyebrow raised. Tony isn't sure whether he's about to laugh or cry or some combination of the two.

"So," Pepper begins, "am I calling Happy for the car so we can get started on figuring out who owns the rights to the Avengers if it's not you?"

"Call him, but forget about the second part of that," he replies. "I think I know who's at the root of this."

***

Fury, naturally, is waiting for them at Stark Tower. He's sitting on a bench outside the main entrance and doesn't bother standing to greet them when Tony and Pepper finally step out of the car.

"I hear they're getting Scarlett Johansson to play Agent Romanoff," Fury says as Tony makes his way over to him. "She'll be pleased with that casting choice. Loves _Lost in Translation_ , I hear."

"Oh, well, that's great for her," says Tony. "By the way, were I a stronger man without my armor, I'd be painting the pavement with your face right now."

Fury snorts. "I didn't have anything to do with this little film project, Stark. Get your litigation panties out of that bunch."

" _Litigation panties_ \- no, you know what," Tony fumes. "I'm being generous here and not immediately suing you over this even though, believe me, _I could_. This has nothing to do with me." Fury chuckles. "Seriously, stop laughing. I want you - because I _know_ it's you, don't even try to say it's not, asshole - I want you to tell them to change the script."

Fury looks at him, and Tony still cannot figure out what he should be focusing on, the eye or the patch. "Let's say, hypothetically," Fury says, "that I have any control over the upcoming Avengers movie. What exactly is it you'd want me to change?"

Tony plops down beside him. "Give Steve - oh, forgive me, _Adam_ , how original - a different love interest."

"What's wrong with the one the script is already giving him?"

He gives Fury the dirtiest look he has in his arsenal of dirty looks. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. It'll look bad to have the movie's well-meaning, perfect heartthrob hooking up with the highly unlikeable and selfish secondary character. Steve doesn't need the press that goes along with an association with me, he gets enough of that already."

Fury pats him on the knee. "I completely agree with you on that one," he says.

Tony perks up. "So it's changing, right?" he asks.

"Nope."

"But you - you just agreed with me."

"I did," Fury says. He stands up and rolls his neck, cracking it in the process. Tony winces at the sound. "But I'm not the one writing the script, and I have nothing to do with the project. I was just having a good sit on my lunch break here until you showed up. That was all hypothetical, remember?"

Tony refrains from lunging forward to strangle him. Fury waves goodbye and wanders off down the street, and Pepper slides down onto the bench next to Tony when the crowds of businesspeople have swallowed him entirely. She nudges his shoulder with hers and offers a small smile when he turns to look at her. "Could be worse," she says. Pepper draws Tony's attention with a nod of her head to the doors of Stark Tower where Steve is currently exiting and making his way towards them. " _He_ could be unhappy about it."

Steve, in fact, has a megawatt smile stretched across his face, which only gets bigger when Pepper calls to him to come join them. Tony's chest aches a little at the sight.

"I'm guessing you heard?" Steve says when he reaches them. "About the movie, I mean. This is pretty exciting, right?" Tony notes, with no small amount of frustration, that Steve is practically vibrating with happiness as he says this.

"How are you excited for this?" Tony groans. "You aren't the least bit annoyed that our lives are being -"

"Nope," Steve cheerfully interrupts.

Tony turns to Pepper. "I'm really getting tired of people doing that to me," he says.

She rolls her eyes and stands up. "Noted, Mr. Stark," she replies, and Tony just knows she means she doesn't care about his feelings. "Captain, it was nice to see you again. Tony, I'll be in my office if you need me."

Steve takes Pepper's spot on the bench and stretches his arms out on the back so that one is resting against Tony's shoulders. Tony leans back into it, soaking up the warmth that Steve gives off, and rubs at his face with both hands. "This is absurd," he says, speaking into his palms. "You can't even form a united front with me on this one?"

"I'm going to take a stab in the dark and assume you're talking about how they're portraying you and me," Steve says. "Or, well, Adam and Edward."

"Ridiculous names," Tony mumbles. "The writers should be fired just because of those, forget everything else."

Steve ignores him. "Honestly, I can't understand why you're upset over this."

"Really? You can't?" Tony stares at him in disbelief. "Steve, people are going to watch this movie and make assumptions about the nature of our relationship."

"Most of which are true, I'd like to just put that out there."

Tony waves a hand at him. "Besides the point," he continues. "I'm trying to protect you here, and you're just -"

" _Tony_."

He stops. Steve wraps his arm around Tony's shoulders and draws him in a little closer until their sides are pressed together, and Tony most certainly does _not_ pout, no matter how much Steve's dopey little smile says that's exactly what he's doing. "I thought," Steve says, "that we'd been over this and buried it already. I love you, remember?"

"I fail to see how that's supposed to stop me from wanting to protect you," Tony grumbles.

Steve leans over and plants a kiss on Tony's lips. "Give it a rest this time," he says when they part. Tony shivers a little at the sensation of his breath blowing across his skin. "I'm not ashamed of you, and I'm glad the writers saw that and decided to use it as a plotline."

Tony sighs and leans back in Steve's embrace. He pauses, then squints at him. " _Saw that_ \- wait a second. Do you - Steve, do you _know_ who the writers are?" Steve's sudden panicked look gives him away, and suddenly Tony knows exactly who he should be harassing. He jumps up and rushes towards the building before Steve can get a firm grasp on him. He hears Steve yelling something about going easy on Clint and Thor, but he's already texting Pepper to bring him the armor briefcase - he has two teammates to beat up.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by afro_curl - thanks, bb!


End file.
